Тающий Снег

Тающий снег на моём лице
Я не чувствую осколков льда
Уже много лет я рад воде
С утра спасающей от сна.

    Мне нравится ветер
    Он свеж и внемлет
    Моим обветренным губам

    Когда солнце тихо светит
    И город всё ещё дремлет
    Я брожу по замёршим дворам

В это время всё так просто
И на сердце предвкушение дня
Пусть вечером всё станет снова сложно
Но сутки прожиты были не зря

Даже секунда молчания
Меняет химию нашей души
Храни воспоминание
Ещё один символ того, что мы живы

A.K.

Live Wire

 I just stare into nowhere,

There's no interest left

In anything around me,

Within me. Only silence.

Dissatisfaction.

Always wanting more.

I would attach myself

To a live-wire to feel.

Nights and days

Leave me numb.

Never before to be sober

Was so hard. To be high

Was so dull. To be drunk

Was so sick (and normal).

I wish I could know where

It all goes, where it all leads.

But I don't want to know

Where will it all end.

Something tells me

That knowing the answer

Wouldn't make me

Feel any better.

I need a spark and light,

And open windows

To let the fog go out.

Too long I've been

Living in an aquarium

Only with electric light.

A.K.

21 Century

Oh, 21^st Century I would never come back in time.

World is changing so fast, almost faster than me.

I give out myself to the world with an open door.

How I live and what I do is only a drop

Of tears on the dry desert ground.

 I am just a product of the new,

A shadow described with numbers ready to disappear

With the new bleak sunset of a dying planet.

A.K.

Waiting for winter

The mist is rising from the lowland
I glimpse it through my window's stains
Decay of leaves underlines a deep blend
Of smells. Soil changed arteries for veins.

Another feeling of contrast.
What we have waited so long, the end.
First snow will cover the lust,
The nature's agony, our tortured land.

A.K.

Sepia

 Taking a walk so your legs can move

Opening eyes just to find your shoes

It seems it's never possible to learn

To live with only healthy pleasures

To look at all through not sepia

You know that it's not how life is

You just can't have it any other way

Everything but love is plain mundane

When there's sufficient alcohol

Eyes start to look for hooks on ceiling

Nothing stops mattering and meaning

World's disappearing, you loose control

All self-destruction to wake up again

And face with sober head the light of day

To curse what brought you into life

And hope to end it all with new sunrise 

A.K.

Уставший Вечер

Уставший вечер, пусто
И неприятно спокойно
Холодный воздух пить не вкусно
Хоть и солнце палило знойно

Слова не лежат рядом
Ну и пусть, моя голова
Тоже на одеяле мятом
Порядком не полна

Жёлтый свет лампы
Уж очень жёлтый
Вот выключил бы
Да угол мой тёмный

Пора бы спать
Но не могу
Это значит упасть
В мечтаний мглу

Низкий потолок и мои глаза
Мечтают о звёздном небе
А между ними лишь одна
Пелена в неярком свете

 A.K.

Three Poems Together with B.

The port of  dawn, reluctant to receive your
Sailor's song, ships moving in
Guided by the lights and sounds of the shore
Coming in just to leave again

Into the crushing ocean waves they go
North and North
Like all the memories that leave the door
Open close, close open

And wind breathes with curtains
Maps scatter
There's nothing you find certain
the ocean has no locks or doors

***

I used to build all of my dreams out of sand
and for decor I used shells and bottle caps
whatever I could find
in each and every hour of my night
thoughts are magnified
the vision loses its importance
the slideshow in my head starts again
not sightlessly dreamlike
floating on edge
until I would open my eyes
to see everything as it was before,
laid out in front of me
sand, wind and stars
all falling into pattern I don't understand
fractals are not enough to follow
endless paths set before you
as you step with no sense of direction
eyes closed, hands groping, stumbling forward
yet guided by the sound of blood in your head
being in time with each passing thought
I am the traveler inside my flesh

***

They say the truth will make you free
But they also say, the truth always hurts
There are as many faces as there are holes
I don't have a nail to fill everyone
All I have left is a nail for myself
The hardest truth to take
Facing the enemy within





A.K. and B.

Следы в песке

 Дай мне выпить

Воды ручьями

Я сплету тебе косы

Солнца лучьями

Я уйду из воды

Задыхаясь, лечен

Ты в улыбке будешь стоять

Запаха трав и ветра полна

Я раскрою руки одичавшие

И давно уже не мои,

А ты близоруко смотри

Как я в песке оставляю следы 

A.K.

Lighthouse

 Smoke

has air

in my room devoured

The space

became

an inquisition chamber

Day

will pass

And again tomorrow

Grayness, emptiness,

transparent sunlight

Like a withering plant

I am drying slowly

Can't find a dark

peaceful

corner to hide

Without your love

there is no sun

Only sorrow

The sound of your name

Is my prayer tonight

Thinking of your touch

I feel an electric current

I don't know where you are

And what you do

How can I find happiness

If you are its only mistress

Where should I go

So it's only me and you?

I can't take away

my heart

to stop its beating

Can't throw myself

from the window,

out from sight

In your eyes

only

I find the solace

I know my love

is so heavy to carry

And my words

fell

like snow from the sky.

A.K.

Summer morning

Pale sunlight in the morning
Marks the most ephemeral time
The cool is retained from night
And everything yet is not too bright
There's no desire to rush or wake up
But it's a luxury to just stay still
And listen to the birds, sip slowly coffee
Sitting by the window in the kitchen
Marking the path of sun in the sky
As she spreads her arms closer and closer
You wish only quiet and solace
For once you are happy this isn't a city
For once you are glad that windows face East
Soon scorching heat will rule over the domain
The a/c buzzing will be necessary
Just to keep yourself alive and sane
When there will be time again
To observe in quiet the summer morning
With as much pleasure and care-free?

A.K. 

Подруге

 Дорогая подруга, любовница леса

Твой дух в прохладном тумане,

Мечтай и ты не почувствуешь веса

Сложного мира и ожиданий

Ты тень, ты сумрак, внутри ты рассвет

От живого сердца идёт твоя печаль

Твой дух среди Северных скал, но нет,

Покой принесет лишь Южная даль

Где ты у спящего моря и сопок

Заросших кипарисом и ольхой

Окунешься в свежесть истоков

Перед новой прозрачной зимой

Слова, так мало но много

Рождаются сами собой

Серебром покрытая дорога

Ведет по жизни одной

Может случай упал как звезда

Или каснулась богиня к судьбе

Я рад, что ты есть, моя сестра

Вместе плывем в быстрой реке.

Если тебе сейчас горько, тише

Я буду вмиг рядом с тобой

Как кот мечтающий на крыше

У царства богини ночной

A.K.

Blank

Blank.
Sucking my stomach
Through my intestines
Too early in the morning
Too late at night
Coffee
Rather have death
Served in a cup
Than another thought
Out of control
Another heart beat's
Echo in my head
Times goes by
By a different clock
In my soul
So slow.

A.K.

What is there?

C                       
When I look into your eyes
Am           C       G
I see the morning skies
Am       D                 G
I know it's time for me to go.
Am             C    D           G / G D
Would you give me one more kiss?

Dm                  G
You want to make me fly
Am            D
When I see your smile
Dm        Am
Next to mine.
Dm    Am / Dm    G
So close.

Waking up late at night
I reach for your thigh
Breathing in your hair.
So warm.

What has I done to myself?
Kissing you I know
I don't want to try
Anything else.

I thought I am strong
I could be cold
But it has gone away.
So fast.

I wish I could just live in now
Not to worry, not to think
And hold you within me
So tight.

My human condition
Found itself trapped
In so many ways.
For so long.

Reading Nietzsche,
Schopenhauer,
I tried to find the answer.
But I was lost.

Now I know what is there
What keeps us
Strong and bare.
And it is not love.